"RING TONE"
One Act Play
by Bruce Kane

What happens between the time a woman asks a stranger to talk to her ex on her cell phone and the moment she invites him home.

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This excerpt is provided as an example of the complete play and may not be performed or presented publically.

 

 

‘RING TONE”
by Bruce Kane

WHERE: COFFEE SHOP

WHEN: NOW

WHO:
KAREN: thirty, attractive
LEN: mid-thirties, nice looking,

(This excerpt begins a few page into the play. Karen has been bugging Len, a complete stranger, to answer her cell phone and talk to her ex. Len so far has resisted when her cell phone start to ring again. Her ringtone is the theme from "Jaws.")

KAREN: It’s ringing.

LEN: Yes, I know. “Jaws.”

KAREN: I don’t want to talk to him.

LEN: You could tell him that.

KAREN: Then I’d have to talk to him.

LEN: Good point… You could turn your phone off.

KAREN: What if someone calls that I want to talk to?

LEN: They could leave a message and you could call them back.

KAREN: Are you always this logical?

LEN: Not always. Sometimes I make no sense at all. Like you.

KAREN: He’s not going to stop.

LEN: You could tell him to stop.

KAREN: But, then…

LEN: You’d have to talk to him…Of course.

(She holds the phone up so the ring tone begins to drive Len a little crazy)

LEN: You’re going to keep doing that until I answer your phone, aren’t you?

KAREN: (She smiles and hands him the phone) Thank you.

LEN: (hits the button and speaks) Hello… Hold on. (to Karen) Are you Karen? (she nods) He wants to talk to you.

KAREN: I know that.

LEN: (into phone) Can I tell her who’s calling?

KAREN: I know who’s calling.

LEN: (to Karen) He wants to know who I am.

KAREN: Tell him anything… Tell him you’re my lover.

LEN: What?

KAREN: Tell him you’re my “newest” lover.

LEN: Are you crazy? You don’t have to answer that.

KAREN: No… Go ahead. It’ll drive him right around the bend.

LEN: (into phone) Hello… Karen doesn’t seem too interested in talking right now. At least, to you. Me? Just a guy she handed the phone to. Really… I was just sitting here having a cup of coffee, trying to read the paper, minding my own business and… Oh really? Typical. You know her better than I do.

KAREN: What did he say?

LEN: (into phone) She knew it was you. Your ring tone is the music from “Jaws.”

KAREN: What’s typical?

LEN: You’re right. It does say it all. I’ll tell her. I promise…

KAREN: Tell me what?

LEN: (into phone) Please… Please… That’s between the two of you… I don’t need to know…

KAREN: (demandingly) Tell me what?

LEN: Yeah, that’s what she said… You were seeing someone… You weren’t? Well, she’s pretty definite on the subject. Yeah… Yeah… Yeah… That’s exactly what she said

KAREN: What? What did I say?

LEN: Pretty much word for word… Why do they think the way they think? You’re asking me why women think the way they think? If I knew the answer to that one, I’d have my own website.

KAREN: What is this? A meeting of the old boys club?

LEN: (looks at Karen and nods) I’d say so.

KAREN: What?

LEN: Good…

KAREN: You’d say what?

LEN: Yeah.. She looks good… Very good as a matter of fact.

KAREN: Why are you telling him I look good?

LEN: (to Karen) You want me to tell him you look like crap?

KAREN: You could’ve found a way to say it that would’ve made the point and still left him with enough guilt to render him impotent.

LEN: To be perfectly honest, he doesn’t sound too good. I ‘m not gonna hit a guy when he’s down.

KAREN: If you had any feelings for me at all, that’s exactly what you would have done.

LEN: Feelings? I don’t even know you.

KAREN: That’s no excuse.

LEN: He says there wasn’t anybody else. That it’s all in your head.

KAREN: There is nothing in my head. I’d like to rephrase that.

LEN: Hey, I’m just an innocent bystander here. I don’t know who caused this train wreck.

KAREN: But you have every reason to believe me it was me.

LEN: I didn’t say that.

KAREN: Pick a side.

LEN: (into phone) Hello… Hold on… She’ll be right with you. (hands her the phone)

KAREN: I’m not going to talk to him.

LEN: Trust me… I’ve been there. Sooner or later you’re going to have to talk to him.

KAREN: Trust me. I’m not.

LEN: (into phone) Hang on… She’ll be right with you.

KAREN: Will you stop telling him that? If he wants to talk to me, he can talk to my lawyer.

LEN: Lawyer?

KAREN: Lawyer.

LEN: Do you want me to tell him that?

KAREN: Word for word.

LEN: (into phone) Hello… She feels it would be best all around if you dealt through her lawyer… Oh… (to Karen) He says you don’t have a lawyer.

KAREN: I do too have a lawyer. Mickey is my lawyer. Tell him that.

LEN: (into phone) Hello… She says someone named Mickey is her lawyer. (to Karen) He says Mickey is his lawyer.

KAREN: Mickey is not his lawyer. Mickey is my lawyer.

LEN: Maybe you two could have Mickey on alternate weekends. Are you going to talk to him?

(The play continues)

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