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One Act Play
by Bruce Kane
In a comedy about love and men, Juliet gets conflicting advice from “Othello’s” Desdemona, “Taming of the Shrew’s” Katherine and Henry VIII’s beheaded wife Anne Boleyn.
Copyright: Bruce Kane Productions 2006
All Rights Reserved
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"THE REAL PROBLEM" is protected by copyright law and may not be performed without written permission from Bruce Kane Productions.
To obtain permission go to www.kaneprod.com/ contact.htm and complete the Contact Us Form.
IMPORTANT BILLING AND CREDIT REQUIREMENTS All producers of "The Real Problem" must give credit to Bruce Kane as sole Author of the Play in all programs distributed in connection with performance of the Play and in all instances in which the title of the Play appears for any purposes of advertising, publicizing or otherwise exploiting the Play and/or production thereof, including posters, souvenir books, flyers, books and playbills. Bruce Kane must also appear immediately following the title of the Play and must appear in size of type not less then fifty percent of the size of type used for the title. The Author’s name must be equal to or larger than the Director's, but never smaller than that of the Director. The above billing must appear as follows: " The Real Problem" by Bruce Kane.
WARNING No one shall make any changes to this play for the purpose of
production. Publication of these plays does not imply its availability
for production.
An
excerpt from
“THE REAL PROBLEM”
by Bruce Kane
SETTING: The Cauldron - An Elizabethan era pub
CHARACTERS:
Desdemona: Blonde, beautiful, sweet, trusting, married to Othello
Juliet: Young, pretty, impatient – dating Romeo
Katherine: Brunette, voluptuous, ill tempered – engaged to Petruchio
Anne Boleyn: Late wife of Henry VIII.
Hecate: waitress, one of the witches from MacBeth
(Excerpt begins a few minutes into the play)
(Anne Boleyn’s head sits on a table between Desdemona, Katherine and Juliet)DES: Juliet, don’t listen to these two.
JULIET: Maybe they’re right. Maybe I should see other boys. That’d show Romeo.
DES: Real relationships are built on trust. Do you want to end up like her? (points at Anne)
ANNE: Hey… Don’t forget. I was once queen of England.
DES: And what are you now?
ANNE: But when I lived, I really lived. Not like you. Prim and proper and tasting of life in delicate little forkfuls. (to Juliet) You listen to Katherine. No man will ever rule her.
KATHERINE: You bet your ass.
ANNE: I would if I had one.
KATHERINE: Everyone calls me a shrew and worse. Well, if I’m such a damn shrew why is Petruchio still hanging around? Come on Desdemona, you’re the expert on love and marriage. Why didn’t Petruchio take off long ago, if I’m such a shrew?
DES: Maybe he sees beyond your exterior. Maybe he sees the real you.
KATHERINE: First of all I’ve got a great exterior. And second of all, he hasn’t gotten beyond first of all.
DES: You can’t really believe that.
KATHERINE: As soon as he gets his hands on this exterior he’s gonna be looking around to get his hands on every other exterior and posterior he can.
DES: If you have such a low opinion of Petruchio why do you care if he stays around or doesn’t stay around?
KATHERINE: That’s my business.
DES: (a slow realization) You love him.
KATHERINE: That’s your opinion.
JULIET: Do you love him?
KATHERINE: It’s unimportant.
DES: How can you say that love is unimportant?
KATHERINE: Love is a weakness. Especially in a woman. It makes you vulnerable. And I will never be vulnerable… again.
DES: But, you’ll also never know true happiness.
KATHERINE: If it means that I’ll never have to walk in any man’s shadow, it’s a trade off I’ll gladly make.
JULIET: I don’t think I could do that.
KATHERINE: Wait till you come home some day and find lipstick on Romeo’s tunic and it’s not yours.
JULIET: Romeo wouldn’t do that.
KATHERINE: He’s a man, isn’t he?
ANNE: That’s why I never waited around for any man to cheat on me. If lipstick was going to show up on any tunics, I made sure it was mine.
DES: And
it usually was.
(The play continues)
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