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ACT PLAYS & MONOLOGUES | One act plays, , male monologues and female monologues about life's most important subjects... romance, infidelity, emotional masochism, envy, therapy, bad sex, letting go, getting caught, unbridled ambition, baseball, the theatre and, of course... murder. | ||||||||||||
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An excerpt from:
“INSTRUCTIONS
TO THE AUDIENCE”
A Monologue by Bruce Kane
"Instructions To The Audience" is a short monologue in which instructions to a theatre audience on proper etiquette turn hostile.
"Instructions To The Audience" is protected by copyright law and may not be performed without written permission from Bruce Kane Productions. To obtain permission go to www.kaneprod.com/contact.htm and complete the Contact Us Form.
(The following is a short excerpt from "Instructions To The Audience". To obtain the complete play please click on Download Scripts)
“INSTRUCTIONS
TO THE AUDIENCE”
A Monologue by Bruce Kane
BEFORE THE MAIN PRODUCTION OF THE EVENING BEGINS: A PERSON (man or woman, rather tightly wound and taken with their own sense of power) walks to center stage and addresses the audience.
PERSON: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Before we begin tonight’s performance, management requests, that as a courtesy to your fellow theatre goers, you turn off all cell phones. We are sure you agree that there is nothing more annoying (anger begins to rise) than to be interrupted in the middle of an important moment by some idiot’s cell phone going off to the tune of “Oops, I Did It Again”. (pulls self together) I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get emotional. If, for some reason, your problem with authority prevents you from following these instructions and your cell phone does go off, please don’t answer it. Your seat neighbors don’t need to hear you tell the baby sitter than you can’t talk because you’re watching a play. We know you’re watching a play. We’re all watching a play.
Now, if you
have a wrapped candy that you feel you must suck on during the performance,
please unwrap it now so those around you don’t have to listen to
you mumble obscenities while wrestling with am uncooperative foil wrapper
in the dark. If you insist on consuming such candy during the performance
please do so quietly. While loud sucking noises have their place, the
theatre isn’t one of them, unless it is coming from the stage where
it is part of the production and not, of course, the result of bad writing,
directing or acting.
(The monologue continues)
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