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An excerpt from
"PITCH
AND CATCH"
A Short Play by Bruce Kane
Copyright:
Bruce Kane Productions 2005
"Pitch And Catch" is a short one act play in which a baseball catcher drives the batters crazy by commenting on their grammar.
All Rights Reserved
22448 Bessemer St.
Woodland Hills, CA 91367
PH: 818-999-5639
E-mail: bkane1@socal.rr.com
"Pitch And Catch " is protected by copyright law and may not be performed without written permission from Bruce Kane Productions. To obtain permission go to www.kaneprod.com/ contact.htm and complete the Contact Us Form.
IMPORTANT
BILLING AND CREDIT REQUIREMENTS All producers of "Pitch And Catch"
must give credit to Bruce Kane as sole Author of the Play in all programs
distributed in connection with performance of the Play and in all instances
in which the title of the Play appears for any purposes of advertising,
publicizing or otherwise exploiting the Play and/or production thereof,
including posters, souvenir books, flyers, books and playbills. Bruce
Kane must also appear immediately following the title of the Play and
must appear in size of type not less then fifty percent of the size of
type used for the title. The Author’s name must be equal to or larger
than the Director's, but never smaller than that of the Director. The
above billing must appear as follows: "Pitch And Catch" by Bruce
Kane.
WARNING No one shall make any changes to this play for the purpose of
production. Publication of these plays does not imply its availability
for production.
"PITCH
AND CATCH"
A Short Play by Bruce Kane
SETTING: Home plate on a baseball field.
CHARACTERS:
CATCHER
BATTER
UMPIRE
BATTER#2
Lights up on CATCHER and UMPIRE standing behind home plate. The Catcher pounds his mitt as the BATTER enters and steps into the batter’s box.
CATCHER: My guy’s a little wild today. Be careful on anything inside.
BATTER: I don’t need no help from you.
CATCHER: You don’t need any help from me.
BATTER: That’s what I said.
CATCHER: No, you said “I don’t need no help.” Correct English would be “I don’t need any help.”
BATTER: What are you my English teacher or somethin’?
UMPIRE: What say we play some baseball?
(The three of them prepare for the pitch)
CATCHER: It’s not correct pronunciation to drop the “g” at the end of a gerund. It makes you sound ignorant.
BATTER: Hey, who you callin’ ignorant?
(The Batter takes his eye off the ball as it pounds into the Catcher’s mitt)
UMPIRE: Steeee-rike one.
BATTER: He was talkin’ to me during the pitch.
UMPIRE: He was talking before the pitch. You were talking during the pitch.
BATTER: Well, I ain’t ignorant.
CATCHER: You aren’t ignorant.
UMPIRE: Are you ready to hit?
BATTER: You bet your ass I am.
(He steps up to hit. The Catcher and Umpire prepare for the next pitch.)
CATCHER: You just sound ignorant.
BATTER: Just because I speak good ole Americ…
(The batter takes his eye off the ball just long enough…)
UMPIRE: Steee-rike two.
BATTER: That’s no fair.
CATCHER: That’s not fair.
BATTER: Will you shut up?
CATCHER: I’m just to trying to help.
BATTER: Well, I don’t need no help.
CATCHER: Any help. “I don’t need any help.
BATTER: That’s right… I don’t need no help. (They all set up for the next pitch) You just tell your boy to bring it on.
CATCHER: Bring what on? You really need to be more precise in your use of pronouns. When not preceded by a noun, ”it“ loses all meaning.
BATTER: (turns to Umpire) If you don’t tell him to shut the…
(The Play Continues)
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