An excerpt from:

“NUDE SCENE”
A Short One Act Play
by Bruce Kane

"Nude Scene" is a short one act play about a play in which the leading lady refuses to perform in the nude only to become jealous of her replacement which is no one at all.

Copyright: Bruce Kane Productions 2005
All Rights Reserved
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"Nude Scene" is protected by copyright law and may not be performedwithout written permission from Bruce Kane Productions. To obtain permission go to www.kaneprod.com/ contact.htm and complete the Contact Us Form.

IMPORTANT BILLING AND CREDIT REQUIREMENTS All producers of "Nude Scene" must give credit to Bruce Kane as sole Author of the Play in all programs distributed in connection with performance of the Play and in all instances in which the title of the Play appears for any purposes of advertising, publicizing or otherwise exploiting the Play and/or production thereof, including posters, souvenir books, flyers, books and playbills. Bruce Kane must also appear immediately following the title of the Play and must appear in size of type not less then fifty percent of the size of type used for the title. The Author’s name must be equal to or larger than the Director's, but never smaller than that of the Director. The above billing must appear as follows: "Nude Scene" by Bruce Kane.

WARNING No one shall make any changes to this play for the purpose of production. Publication of these plays does not imply its availability for production.

NUDE SCENE
By Bruce Kane
A One Act Comedy

SETTING: A theatre presenting a play that takes place in a hotel room.
TIME: Now.
CHARACTERS:
ACTRESS: – Attractive and, of course, vain.
DIRECTOR – Manipulative
STAGE MANAGER: Nervous.
JACK, MAC AND ZACK: Characters in the play that takes place in the hotel room.

(At Curtain,. The Actress and Director stand in a backstage area arguing. The Stage Manager looks on)

ACTRESS: Not on your life.

DIRECTOR: You knew what the part called for when you signed up.

ACTRESS: You never said I would have to go out there completely nude.

DIRECTOR: What other kind of nude is there?

ACTRESS: I don’t care. There’s no way I’m going on stage in front of all those people… naked.

DIRECTOR: I’m not asking you to go out there naked.

ACTRESS: But you just said….

DIRECTORS’S VOICE: I’m asking you to go out there nude.

ACTRESS: I fail to see the difference.

DIRECTOR: Being naked on stage is just taking your clothes off to titillate the prurient interests of the audience. But when an actress, a real actress - goes on stage nude… That’s art.

ACTRESS: Well, then you go out there “nude.”

DIRECTOR: Those good people sitting out there in the dark didn’t shell out big bucks to see my boobs. They shelled out big bucks to see yours.

ACTRESS: Well, then they’re going to be mighty disappointed.

DIRECTOR: You walk out on me now and you’ll never work naked in this town again.

STAGE MANAGER: What do you want to do, boss? Send the audience home?

DIRECTOR: Never…

STAGE MANAGER: Because the show must go on?

DIRECTOR: Because we don’t want to return the money. You’re new to the theatre, aren’t you?

STAGE MANAGER: What are you going to do?

DIRECTOR: Just wait a minute (Writes on a sheet of paper)… Here… Go out there and read this to the audience.

STAGE MANAGER: Me… I’m not an actor…

DIRECTOR: Just get out there.

(The STAGE MANAGER is shoved on stage. He reads nervously and hesitantly)

STAGE MANAGER: Due to the completely unprofessional and unwarranted conduct on the part of the actress who was to perform the role of Helen…

ACTRESS: Unprofessional? I am not unprofessional. You can call me a lot of things…

DIRECTOR: And many people have…

ACTRESS: But you cannot call me unprofessional because I wouldn’t..?

DIRECTOR: Will you keep it down.

ACTRESS: Take my clothes off.

STAGE MANAGER: On the part of the actress who was to perform the role as it was written and as she specifically agreed to play the role.

ACTRESS: VOICE: I never agreed to go out there naked.

DIRECTOR: Nude… Not naked… And yes you did. I have it in writing.

STAGE MANAGER: As she specifically agreed to play the role when she was begging to be cast in the part.

ACTRESS: Beg? Beg? I have never begged for a role in my life. If I remember correctly you were the one down on your knees.

DIRECTOR: That was in a completely different context. Now, will you keep it down.

STAGE MANAGER: We are sorry to announce that Barbara Andrews will not be appearing as previously announced. In her place… Hey, is this correct?

ACTRESS: In my place? You’re going to send out a nobody in my place?

DIRECTOR: Not exactly.

STAGE MANAGER: No one will be playing the part of Helen.

DIRECTOR: I’m not sending out a “nobody” in your place. I’m sending out nobody.

(Later in the play)

DIRECTOR: Too bad the audience is hearing all of this said about her… And not you. Seeing her… And not you. The men out there lusting after her… And not you.

ACTRESS: The women hating me… And not her.

(A knock on the outside door)

ZACK: Helen!!!

MAC: (To the unseen Helen) Who is that?

ACTRESS: (projecting to the audience as Helen) Hurry… He mustn’t find you here.

(Hearing the offtstage voice, the actor playing Mac becomes confused. He’s not sure what to do next)

DIRECTOR: Will you keep it down.

(The Actress exits. The Director follows)

ACTRESS: (O.S) Here… Hold my clothes.

DIRECTOR: (O.S.) What?

ACTRESS: (O.S.) Nobody steals my spotlight.

DIRECTOR: (O.S.) To be completely accurate… “Nobody” is stealing your spotlight.

ACTRESS: (O.S.) I know… The bitch…

(The play continues...)