“BOBBY’S BRAIN”
A Comedy In One Act
By Bruce Kane

Bobby battles the three areas of his brain that control sex and love to meet the girl of his dreams.

Copyright: Bruce Kane Productions 2009
All Rights Reserved
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All plays owned by Bruce Kane Productions are protected by copyright law and may not be performed without written permission from Bruce Kane Productions. To obtain permission go to www.kaneprod.com/contact.htm

This excerpt is provided as an example of the complete play and may not be performed or presented publically.

“BOBBY’S BRAIN”
A Comedy In One Act
By Bruce Kane

TIME: Now

SETTING: A chair and table are stage right. Stage left is another chair and table.

CHARACTERS:

BOBBY – mid to late twenties, nice looking
REP: The reptilian part of Bobby’s Brain. Think the Incredible Hulk
AMYGDALA: Another part of Bobby’s Brain. Think Hugh Hefner
CORT: The third part of Bobby’s Brain. Think Bill Gates.
WOMAN: Young and pretty
CAROL: Audience member. Also young, also pretty
ALICE: The girl of Bobby’s dreams. Young and pretty
ALICE’S REP: The reptilian part of Alice’s brain. Mini-skirted, tough, sexy, perhaps chewing gum.
ALICE’S AMYGDALA: The amygdala section of Alice’s brain. Slinky and sophisticated
COURTNEY: The cortex of Alice’s brain. Business like. Dressed in pant suit, wearing glasses, hair pulled back.

LIGHTS UP:

(Bobby enters and addresses the audience)

BOBBY: Women… You can’t live with them… You can’t reproduce without them. It’s a conundrum that has baffled man since Eve told Adam that if he really loved her, he’d go ahead and eat the apple…even though there was no logical connection between the two. And it continues to this day. I stand here as living proof. No matter how hard I try, my relationships with women have a habit of sinking faster than the Titanic… And with even more disastrous results. Is it me? Is it something I’m doing or not doing? I wanted to know. I needed to know. It stood to reason that there had to be a… reason. So, being an intelligent and inquisitive person, I did some research. And you know what I found out? It’s not t my fault. It’s just the way I’m wired. The way we’re all wired. When you think about it, it’s amazing that any relationship lasts beyond “I think you’re really hot”. So, tonight, I would like to share with you what I have learned. I think you’ll find it very enlightening. Okay… Here it is. When it comes to women there are three areas of the male brain that come into play and more importantly… into conflict. It’s this battle between the least developed portion of the brain and the most evolved areas of the brain that causes all the problems. Let me explain how this works… or doesn’t work. The oldest portion of the male brain and the most primitive has been with us since we crawled up out of the ooze. And it’s what kept us going all these millions and millions of years. It has no language… No filters… Only blind instinct. I’ll show you what I’m talking about. (calls out) Rep… You want to come out.

(Rep enters slowly and fearfully. Rep doesn’t actually look like a reptile. Just not too bright)

BOBBY: (to Rep) It’s alright… You don’t have to be afraid… Nobody here is going to hurt us… Intentionally… That we know of… (to audience) This happens to be my reptilian brain. He is all about survival, fear, hate, contentment and for our discussion today… lust. Basically all Rep here wants to do… is survive and reproduce.

(Reptilian suddenly spots the women in the audience. He starts grunting excitedly and pointing at the women, making gestures that indicate he is willing to reproduce with all of them. He even starts to go out into the audience. Bobby holds him back)

BOBBY: Rep… Rep… No… No… You can’t. No…No… Not with her. No, not with any of them. I know you’re my survival mechanism, but we’ll just have to put that on hold for now. …

(Bobby feeds him a treat like a trained animal and Rep calms down)
BOBBY: As you can see Rep doesn’t discriminate. If it’s female, he’s interested. No offense ladies, but without him, we, as a species, would have disappeared before we even got started. So we do owe Rep here, a certain vote of thanks. Now, the second part of my brain is a little more developed and somewhat more discriminating. (calls out) Amygdala… Why don’t you come on out.

(Amygdala cruises out. He’s got the shades, the open neck shirt, the whole nine yards.)

BOBBY: (to audience) This is the area of my brain known as the amygdala.

AMYGDALA: (checking out the women in the audience) Ooooo. Things are lookin’ good…(to woman in the audience) Well, hello there… Very good, indeed.

BOBBY: This part of the brain, unlike, the Reptilian, does make choices.

AMYGDALA: (to Rep) And I’m choosin’ that blonde in the second row.

(Reptilian gets excited and starts grunting and pointing at the woman)

AMYGDALA: I’m with you all the way my man. (they exchange low fives)

BOBBY: How the amygdala makes those choices is for another time, but, suffice it to say that when something or someone stimulates this part of my brain, it wants that something or someone immediately.

AMYGDALA: (pointing at a woman in the audience) And Uncle Amygdala wants you.

BOBBY: And if this something or someone stimulates its pleasure center…

AMYGDALA: (stimulated) Oh yeah…

BOBBY: Well, then it wants that something or someone over and over and over again.

(Rep grunts excitedly)

BOBBY: Whether it’s positive or in many cases, even, destructive. If it makes him feel good…

AMYDGALA (runs his hands down his body) Oh yeah. And I feel good.

(Rep points to a woman in the audience and gets excited)

AMYGDALA: Her? (Rep nods vigorously) I don’t think so. (Rep is insistent) Trust me. I can tell from here. I know the type. All into honesty and trust and that whole respect thing. Forget it.

(Rep is disappointed)

BOBBY: Now, this is where the third part of my brain makes an entrance (calls out) Cort… (to audience) And the problems really begin.

(Cort enters. He’s conservatively dressed, possibly wearing glasses and looking a little uptight. He carries a lap top computer.)

AMYGDALA: (not thrilled with Cort’s entrance) Oh great. It’s old “Mister Keep It In Your Pants.”

(Rep angrily moves toward Cort. Bobby holds him back)

BOBBY: This is Cort… my pre-frontal cortex. Cort here provides what you might call the executive function in my brain.

AMYGDLA: Is he really necessary, man?

BOBBY: He differentiates among conflicting thoughts, determines good and bad… Excercises social control.

AMYGDALA: Like I said. Is he really necessary?

BOBBY: And how does Cort arrive at these determinations?

CORT: Experience.

BOBBY: He taps into all the data I have stored up here (points to his head).

(Cort sits down and opens his lap top)

BOBBY: Everything about every woman with whom I’ve ever had an encounter is stored somewhere in my brain and Cort has access to all of it.

AMYGDALA: Are you just gonna stand up here jabbering all night? This place is loaded with women just waiting to dig us.

BOBBY: Let me show you how this has been working, or in my case, not working up until now.

(An attractive woman enters, sits down out a table and begins to sip a drink)

AMYGDALA: Whoa. Hold on just a Segundo.

BOBBY: Somebody get your attention?

AMYGDALA: Who would have guessed it?

BOBBY: Who is it?

AMYGDALA: Don’t you recognize her?

BOBBY: I… uh… I don’t think so.

AMYGDALA: Man, you need to get out more.

BOBBY: I’m working on it.

AMYGDALA: Cameron Diaz.

(Reptilian starts grunting excitedly and moves toward the woman. Bobby holds him back.)

BOBBY: What are you talking about?

AMYGDALA: Cameron Diaz, man. We’ve seen all her movies… Several times. Don’t you remember how good she was in “Charlie’s Angels Two – Full Throttle.” What a nuanced performance. Subtle, sensitive, dramatic… Especially that scene where she’s only wearing panties and a smile.

(Rep remembers and shows it)

BOBBY: That’s not Cameron Diaz.

AMYGDALA: Of course, it’s not. But that’s who you’re going to tell her you think she is.

(The Play Continues until... )

CORT: As a matter of fact, the human race hasn’t survived because of Rep here or even Amygdala. It’s survived because, for millions of years, in order the keep the race going, the female of the species has been willing to lower its standards.

BOBBY: So all I have to do is find a woman who is willing to love me for who I am.

CORT: That may be pushing it a bit.

BOBBY: Maybe I should just become a monk.

(Rep gets agitated)

AMYGDALA: Hey… Don’t even think that.

(Makes a phone gesture to a woman in the audience and mouths “Call me.”)

BOBBY: What’s the point? Every relationship I have leads to…

(Bobby stops in mid-sentence as ALICE, young and beautiful enters followed by the three parts of her brain.

ALICE’S REPTILIAN is voluptuous and aggressive. She is dressed in heels, a very short skirt, sexy top, maybe chewing gum.

ALICE’S AMYGDALA is slim, sophisticated and dressed in something very slinky.

ALICE’S CORTEX is wearing a pant suit and glasses with her hair pulled back severely. She carries a lap top computer. The two groups face each other across the stage.

(NOTE: Actresses from previous scenes can double in these roles)

(The two reptilians face off, grunting and panting at each other. Bobby holds back his reptilian. Alice holds back her reptilian.)

(The Amygdalas start circling one another.)

ALICE’S AMYGDALA: Well, hello.

AMYGDALA: Hello, yourself.

ALICE’S AMYGDALA: I’m Alice. What do they call you besides “cute buns?”

AMYGDALA: Bobby.

ALICE’S AMYGDALA: (to Alice’s Cortex) Courtney? Got that?

COURTNEY: Got it.

(Courtney types furiously on her computer)

AMYGDALA: Cort?

CORT: Working on it.

(Cort types furiously on his computer.)

CORT: No history with anyone named Alice. You can lift anchor.

COURTNEY: Bobby is a go. The runway is clear.

ALICE’S AMYGDALA: So what do you Bobby? (runs her finger down his chest)

AMYGDALA: I’m a photographer.

ALICE’S AMYDGALA: I’m a model.

AMYGDALA: I like taking pictures of models.

ALICE’S AMYGDALA: I like being taken.

BOBBY: (nervously) Cort? What’s happening?

ALICE: (concerned) Courtney? What’s going on?

(Rep and Alice’s Reptilian, who have been grunting at each other this whole time, break free, rush at each other, jump into each other’s arms and go at it.)

BOBBY: Rep… Wait… Hold on.

ALICE: (to her reptilian) No… No… This isn’t the way it works.

ALICE’S AMYGDALA: Where are you from and why do I even care?

(Alice’s Amygdala grabs Bobby’s Amygdala and kisses him long and hard. Cort types something into his computer. Alice’s Cortex types something back. Cort reads her message and types something back.)

BOBBY: (confused) Cort… Say something.

ALICE’S CORTEX: (getting turned on) Oh my God.

(Turned on, Alice’s Cortex begins furiously typing Cort reads it, starts to breathe heavily. He types something back)

(The play continues...)

 

 

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