“BOBBY’S BRAIN”
A Comedy In One Act
By Bruce Kane

Bobby battles the three areas of his brain that control sex and love to meet the girl of his dreams.

Copyright: Bruce Kane Productions 2010
All Rights Reserved
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All plays owned by Bruce Kane Productions are protected by copyright law and may not be performed without written permission from Bruce Kane Productions. To obtain permission go to www.kaneprod.com/contact.htm

This excerpt is provided as an example of the complete play and may not be performed or presented publically.

“BOBBY’S BRAIN”
A Comedy In One Act
By Bruce Kane

TIME: Now

SETTING: A chair and table are stage right. Stage left is another chair and table.

CHARACTERS:
BOBBY – mid to late twenties, nice looking
REP: The reptilian part of Bobby’s Brain. Think the Incredible Hulk
AMYGDALA: Another part of Bobby’s Brain. Think Hugh Hefner
CORT: The third part of Bobby’s Brain. Think Bill Gates.
THE GIRL: Young and pretty. She plays all of Bobby’s love interests.
ALICE’S REP: The reptilian part of Alice’s brain. Mini-skirted, tough, sexy, perhaps chewing gum.
ALICE’S AMYGDALA: The amygdala section of Alice’s brain. Slinky and sophisticated.
COURTNEY: The cortex of Alice’s brain. Business like. Dressed in pant suit, wearing glasses, hair pulled back.

LIGHTS UP:

(Bobby and the Girl enters from opposite sides)

GIRL: (flirtatious) Hi.

BOBBY: Hi.

GIRL: You’re cute.

BOBBY: You’re hot.

(They pause for a moment then kiss passionately. After the kiss she just gives him a disapproving look)

BOBBY: What?

GIRL: You know.

BOBBY: No, I don’t. Tell me.

GIRL: Well, if you don’t know, then there’s no point in me telling you. What a jerk.

(The Girl turns and exits)

BOBBY: (to audience) That, in a nutshell, is all of my relationships condensed down to thirty seconds. I have been shot down in flames so often, I thought about buying fire insurance. In the beginning I, naturally, blamed myself even though, deep down, I knew it was really her fault. But a little research… mostly Googling... revealed the real culprit and just as I suspected, it wasn’t me… (almost mumbles the next line) It wasn’t “her,” either. It was Darwin. That’s right Charles Darwin… The Origin Of The Species? That Darwin. Well, not Darwin himself. He’s been dead for over a hundred years. But, evolution. Every disastrous relationship I ever had was the fault of evolution. It seems that while we were moving up the evolutionary ladder to become more rational beings, we somehow never got rid of all the survival mechanisms that got us through the early years when we were still crawling up out of the muck. It’s sort of like Windows. Even though you got the latest upgrade, you still have to deal with all the crap from the previous versions. I’ll show you what I mean. Fellas, you want to come out.

(Rep, Amygdala and Cort enter. Rep enters fearfully. Amygdala struts in. Cort carries a lap top computer. He’s very businesslike)

BOBBY: These are the three parts of my brain that represent its development from the beginning of time to today. All three are still present, still exert influence and still don’t exactly get along with each other. We’ll start with Rep here. (Puts arm around Rep) He is my reptilian brain. The oldest portion of the male brain and the most primitive. He has no language… No filters… Only blind instinct. . He is all about survival, fear, hate, contentment and for our discussion today… lust. Basically all Rep here wants to do… is survive… and reproduce and he isn’t particular with who. So, watch out ladies.

(Rep suddenly spots the women in the audience. He starts grunting excitedly and pointing at the women, moving back and forth across the stage, making inappropriate gestures that indicate he is willing to reproduce with all of them. He even starts to go out into the audience. Bobby holds him back)

BOBBY: Rep… Rep… No… No… You can’t. No…No… Not with her. No, not with any of them. At least, not yet. (Bobby crosses to Amygdala) This is the area of my brain known as the amygdala. He is a step up the evolutionary ladder from Rep here. (Amygdala nods, preens and points at a woman in the audience and mimes for her to call him) And much like Rep, he is also what you might call “goal oriented.”

AMYGDALA: You got that right. (talks to the ladies in the audience) Hey… How ya doin? Glad you could make it. Did anyone ever tell you, you have incredible eyes?

BOBBY: But, unlike Rep, Amygdala does make choices.

AMYGDALA: (pointing out toward the audience) I wasn’t talking to you.

BOBBY: Now, what he bases those choices on, is anybody’s guess. (crosses to Cort) This is Cort… my pre-frontal cortex. Cort exists at the very top of the evolutionary chain. He provides what you might call the executive function in my brain.

AMYGDALA: Is he really necessary, man?

BOBBY: He differentiates among conflicting thoughts, determines good and bad… Excercises social control.

AMYGDALA: Like I said. Is he really necessary?

(Corts sits )

CORT: Everything about every woman with whom we’ve ever had an encounter is stored right here in your brain. (Opens his laptop) And I have access to all of it. And so, I have created an algorithm that cross references all of this data to produce a result that eliminates ninety nine per cent of the guess work.

BOBBY: We are talking about women here. It’s all guess work.

CORT: My method provides for a process of elimination.

AMYGDALA: With this guy? Have you seen his record with women? It’s all a process of elimination.

BOBBY: (to Cort) Keep going… I like this Al Gore thing.

CORT: Algorithm. It uses a rating system based on past relationships and then makes a prediction as to future compatibility, eliminating women with whom you have little or no chance.

AMYGDALA: That should really narrow the field.

CORT: Actually, it will narrow the field and help avoid any pain you might otherwise sustain including, but not limited to, psychological, physical and, especially, financial.

BOBBY: Okay, then… Let’s take this baby out for a spin and show the folks how it works.

(Cort types on the computer)

(Rep is getting antsy)

BOBBY: (to Rep) Easy… I know it’s been a long time. You don’t have to tell me.

(The printer spits out a page. Cort hands it to Bobby)

BOBBY: This is the profile of the woman of my dreams?

CORT: No. The woman of your dreams is living with Brad Pitt… This is the woman who is least likely to rip your throat out.

BOBBY: That’s a start. Let’s see what we have here.

(Bobby, Amygdala and Rep move out into the audience.)

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