Excerpt from

“IN THE BEGINNING”
A Short One Act Comedy
By Bruce Kane

Eve meets Adam over apple martinis at the Garden of Eden Bar & Grill
and everything goes down hill from there.

Copyright: Bruce Kane Productions 2005
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WARNING No one shall make any changes to this play for the purpose of production. Publication of these plays does not imply its availability for production.

“IN THE BEGINNING”
by Bruce Kane

SETTING: The Garden Of Eden Bar &Grill
CHARACTERS:

ADAM: The first man. Handsome, muscular but not too bright.
EVE: The first woman… Attractive and soon to be very smart.
SERPENT: The reptilian bartender at the Garden of Eden Bar & Grill

AT CURTAIN: The Serpent is tending bar when Adam enters and looks around like a hick on his first visit to the big city.

SERPENT: Welcome to The Garden of Eden. I’m the Serpent. I’ll be your bartender tonight. Haven’t seen you in here before. You must be new.

ADAM: Yes, I am. Very new.

SERPENT: What’ll it be?

ADAM: What’ll what be?

SERPENT: Drink. What do you want to drink?

ADAM: I don’t know. No one’s ever asked me that before. As a matter of fact, no one’s ever asked me anything.

SERPENT: What’s your name?

ADAM: Name?

SERPENT: What do people call you?

ADAM: People?

SERPENT: (getting annoyed) People… Like yourself.

ADAM: I don’t know. I’ve never met anybody like me.

SERPENT: That makes two of us.

(Eve enters hesitantly. She also looks around like an out of towner in the big city for the first time.)

SERPENT: (to himself, admiringly) Well, hello there.

(Eve crosses to the bar)

EVE: (shyly) Hi.

SERPENT: Hi… What can I get you?

EVE: I’m not sure.

SERPENT: (to himself) Great… Another one. (to Eve) Might I suggest an apple martini? I make a great apple martini.

EVE: Okay… I’ve never had an apple martini. Come to think of it, I’ve never had anything to drink.

SERPENT: You won’t be sorry.

(As the Serpent prepares her drink Eve trades a couple of quick glances with Adam. The Serpent serves up Eve’s apple martini. She takes a sip.)

EVE: Wow.

SERPENT: Goes down smooth, doesn’t it?

EVE: Yes… Very smooth.

SERPENT: Just wait until it kicks in.

EVE: Kicks in? What do you mean…? (Suddenly her whole demeanor changes. She sits up straight and exudes complete and knowing confidence.) You left out the salt.

SERPENT: The what?

EVE: The salt… You always salt the rim of the glass when you serve a proper apple martini. Also you used too much liqueur. Overwhelms the kick of the vodka. But, otherwise not bad.

SERPENT: I thought you said you never had an apple martini.

EVE: That’s right. This is my first.

SERPENT: Then how do you know so much about how to make one?

EVE: I have knowledge.

SERPENT: You know what they say about knowledge?

EVE: It’s a dangerous thing.

SERPENT: (surprised) Yeah… That’s what they say, alright.

EVE: But that depends on whose got the knowledge.

SERPENT: (impressed) You’re alright… (crosses back to Adam, nods in the direction of Eve) What do you think?

ADAM: I don’t.

SERPENT: Don’t what?

ADAM: Think.

SERPENT: No kidding… I’m talking about the babe at the end of bar.

ADAM: Babe?

SERPENT: Yeah… The babe… The chick… The Betty… The skirt… She’s alone and looks very available. If you get my drift.

ADAM: I don’t.

SERPENT: Don’t what?

ADAM: Get your drift. I don’t even know what that means… to get your drift.

SERPENT: It means I think you have a real chance with her. Why don’t give it a shot.

ADAM: Why don’t you… give it a shot?

SERPENT: Normally, I would… But, I have a feeling she’s not into inter-species dating. You do want to propagate the species, don’t you?

ADAM: Propa... ? Propa..?

SERPENT: Propagate… Get it on… Do the wild thing.

ADAM: You talk funny.

SERPENT: Never mind how I talk… Just find out how the woman talks.

ADAM: What’s a woman?

SERPENT: (looks to heaven) I realize he’s an early prototype, but just how dumb did you have to make him? (to Adam) Let me explain. You are a human being… She is a human being… You are both human beings.

ADAM: Oh, I don’t think so.

SERPENT: Trust me… I’ve been around longer than you have… Which isn’t saying much… But this I know… You are both human beings… You have the distinction of being the first human being… She is what you might call the new and improved model. Go over and introduce yourself.

(Adam crosses to Eve)

ADAM: Hi.

EVE: Hi.

ADAM: Want to propagate the species?

EVE: Hey… Back off pal… I don’t know you from Adam.

ADAM: Who’s Adam?

(Eve gestures to the Serpent with a “do you believe this yo-yo?” gesture. The Serpent just shrugs)

ADAM: I’m the first human being.

EVE: Great…

ADAM: You’re a human being…

EVE: I know.

ADAM: We are both human beings.

EVE: Hard to believe, isn’t it?

ADAM: You’re the new and improved version.

EVE: That goes without saying.

(Adam walks back to the Serpent)

ADAM: I talked to her.

SERPENT: She doesn’t seem too impressed. Try again… Tell her something about yourself. Chicks dig that.

ADAM: What should I tell her?

SERPENT: Something that will impress her… Turn her on… Get her all hot and bothered.

ADAM: Hot and bothered? Won’t that make her uncomfortable?

SERPENT: This is going to be the shortest lived species in history… Is there anything you know how to do?

ADAM: I can lift big rocks… I’m very strong.

SERPENT: It’s not much, but it’s a start… You never know… Maybe she digs the muscle type… Opposites attracting and all that. Try again.

(Adam crosses to Eve)

ADAM: I can lift big rocks… Can you?

EVE: Well… If I had a long enough lever and a pivot point, theoretically I could lift very big rocks.

ADAM: What’s a pivot point?

EVE: You’re not too bright are you?

ADAM: (proudly) No… I’m a human being.

EVE: Please don’t keep saying that.

ADAM: Okay. You want to propagate the species?

EVE: Not if you were the only man on earth.

SERPENT: Excuse me… I couldn’t help overhearing your conversation. And I don’t mean to throw a wet blanket over the proceedings, but, unfortunately, he is the only man on earth.

EVE: You’ve got to be kidding.

(The play continues)